Miss Manners: How to express concerns without straining family ties

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Miss Manners: How to express concerns without straining family ties

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am openly gay, as my family and friends have known for years. I have received an invitation from a close family member for a wedding to be held in a church that has taken public anti-gay positions.

I was offended when I saw where it would be held. This is not the couple’s home church; it is a destination wedding. Clearly, there has been no thought to the impact of the selected venue on LGBTQ+ guests or their supporters.

I do not plan to attend the event, using the cost of travel as an excuse. Still, I am bothered by the lack of consideration on the part of the wedding couple and their families.

Is there a polite way to raise the issue with them?

GENTLE READER: Although she fully understands your wish to protest the church’s policy, Miss Manners is not confident that you understood that you were choosing between two distasteful options: missing your relative’s wedding or stifling your own discomfort while attending.

So, no -- there is no way to raise your grievance politely, as you would be revealing that you chose Principle over Family -- a decision that may not be as clear-cut to the bridal couple as it is to you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)



1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106; 816-581-7500

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