Dear Abby: Fiance’s mom determined to ruin our relationship before she dies

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DEAR ABBY: I love my fiance, but his mother says, “Over my dead body will he move away from me.” She has cancer and we have both been praying that she goes peacefully, but it seems all she wants to do is create as much strife as possible between my fiance and me. I am now ignoring calls and texts from her. Any advice as to how to deal with my fiance? He gets mean after three days at her house, fetching water, coffee and food (she IS capable). Please help me reframe this so I can be nicer to a hateful woman. -- TRYING HARD IN THE SOUTH

DEAR TRYING HARD: What is your fiance’s mother’s prognosis? Not everyone being treated for cancer dies of the disease. Does SHE think she’s terminal? If that’s the case, she may have said what she did because she’s frightened and in pain. You state that she is “capable” of taking care of herself, but some of the treatments she may be receiving have been known to leave patients feeling tired and weak. Because helping his mother leaves your fiance on edge (“mean”), have you considered sharing the responsibility and giving him a break? And one final thought: If he’s mean now, what does that bode for your own future with him?

Abigail  Van Buren

Stories by Abigail Van Buren

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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