Miss Manners: When romantic interests clash with personal boundaries

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a junior in high school, and there is a boy in one of my classes who has feelings for me. I don’t feel the same way, and have told him that. We’ve been sending notes back and forth for the last three weeks, and now I realize that we have nothing in common. I like K-pop and J-pop (Korean and Japanese music) and he likes Metallica and other rock music. He keeps talking about his band and the music he makes, and I’m not interested in hearing that.

Yesterday, he gave me a note that was all about him and creating his band. At the end of the letter, he signed his name, then put, “P.S. How are you and did you listen to my song?”

I didn’t respond because I’m tired of dealing with him, and don’t want anything to do with him anymore. He sits behind me because he likes me, and I don’t want him behind me anymore. How should I handle it in a mature way? Just continue to ignore him? GENTLE READER: It is an unfortunate truth that a gentleman in love will seize any opportunity to get attention from his paramour, even one who has expressly told him that she does not reciprocate his feelings.

Miss Manners suspects that is what is happening here -- and that by your politely continuing to indulge the friendship, he is holding out hope of something more. You have already told him your feelings, and he has chosen to press on. If there is any way that you can pick your seat after he chooses his, that would solve the immediate problem. Telling him (again) that you do not wish to lead him on should solve the more general one.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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