Dear Annie: Recently, my husband’s phone was sitting on the table, and even though I had never gone through it before, I did this time. To my surprise, he had several text messages from a co-worker. Some were about work, but a lot were not. Some were more like horseplay, or “Oh, do you want a coffee? Shhh, don’t tell anyone else. I am just picking up for us.” Another message that really upset me was this co-worker telling him she knows he and others they work with like looking at one lady’s large breasts who had come to their shop for business.
I called him on it. I looked at the phone records and got more mad because there were up to 15 texts in one day, but the phone records do not show the actual texts. He says he never did anything and is in no way interested in her, but he needs to communicate with her for work. He had told her not to text his phone because I was upset and instead she should call him to chat on speaker about any questions. She texted him again a month later like she thought it was OK, and I had him block her number. Any advice? I feel hurt and keep thinking about everything. -- Feeling Betrayed
Dear Betrayed: It sounds like your husband has been pretty receptive since you voiced your concerns and this co-worker is the one who still doesn’t get the message. So long as he works with this woman, it is your husband’s responsibility to clearly communicate these boundaries and stick to them.
The fact that you had a hunch to check your husband’s phone now for the first time in your marriage, though, signifies to me there may be cracks in your foundation that need attention. A couples counselor can help you two fully work through this incident, and any others, and renew your connection.
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“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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